Karleen Boodhai

Forgotten Moments

I awoke to the chirping of the bird’s….

The sounds of the heavy raindrops….
Clapping against the roof top creating sounds I sometimes feel…

My early morning taughts reflects on past moments…

Some of joy…
Some of pain…
Some of actions…
Some of harsh words….
Some of surrender…
Some of betrayal…
Some of deceits….
Some of sorrow…
Some of drama and unexpected moments…
Some of desires….
Some of passions…
Some of decisions…
Some of regrets…

In the end…
We realize love is a part all of this…

In reality tho, we expect honesty, faithfulness, loyalty, devotion, trust, empathy, passion, romance beyond our expectations….

What is love tho, I asked the devine…
Is it energies that travel to us in the form of desires…
Is it illusions that create moments of wanting and cravings of false connections….

Is love real or is it an infection that keeps us wanting, desiring…
Yearning, craving for things that are sometimes not real….

I said to God this morning, that the ones who are lucky enough to be infected by the wonderful world of true love must have truely been Angel’s from past lifetimes…

As we yearn to find and explore…
Continuously hoping, searching, craving, dreaming of a world so perfect…

In the end tho we live each day creating chapters of crazy moments, crazy dramas…

We love so deep at times…
That for some, it keeps us in a state of stagnation…

Those of us who are stronger may struggle, may lose faith, hope, belief and trust….
We may build unbreakable walls…
That drives us to many different locations…

We may meet new people, create new memories…
Make new friends…
Try to give life a second chance…

But in the end…
We have to allow ourselves to heal from all the deep dark hidden life stories that bought us to this very moment…

We break, we cry, we stop dreaming for a short period of time…

But luckily, hopefully, we learn to allow ourselves to explore, to open up new channels, accept new opportunities, create new memories…
Live each and every day as tho its belongs to us…

Learn to accept each moment as experiences to make us stronger, make us better…

In doing so, we accept and find who we really are…

I say learn to accept every moment, every encounter, every challenges, every issues, every situation with an open heart, with an open mind…

As in the end it prepares us for a greater tomorrow…
A greater life…

A greatness, a seed that God may have planted for us
God may be preparing us for….

For the feast, the table, the seed when blossom will only create new flavors of unique true life moments and real life experiences for each and everyone of us…

FINDING PEACE

No matter how much love, understanding, compassion, attentions you shower to someone, If they dont know how to received this or trust in this, its all a waste of time really….

Today as I sat down, my taughts reflected to a certain conversation i recently had with someone…

This person i once considered as golden to me,
But as time goes by you realize that sometimes we percieve and see only what we want to believe….

Our wants, desires, and emotions of attraction plays tricks with our heart and soul.

Believe it or not there are humans who are so dark and deceitful that i strongly believe no amount of love, attention or comfort can bring them back from the darkness of the secreat world they have created for themselves…..

Truth be told i was bought up in a different time where kindness, laughter and neighbourly love and friendship, taught us how to be kind to one another regardless of our ethicity and classes we belonged too…..

I have always place God first and everything troughtout my life seem to just fall in place….

However, i believe at some point in our journey of life we are tested by our fellow humans in some way or another….

My recent journey in life have taught me a lesson that i fear we have to learn all by experiences as we travel along the way…

I was taught to love, care, show respect to all and never pass judgement on anyone as we dont really know people circumstances and situations..

I was taught to always be kind and honest and assist those who may be in need even if its just a smile, or a best wish to take them true there day…..

I was taught to treat people how you would like to be treated, as our actions in the form of words, deeds etc can travel to meet us where ever we are…

I believe i was recently tested by someone, as there words, recent actions and behavior has taught me a lesson…

No matter how much love, understanding, compassion, attentions you shower to someone,

If they dont know how to received this or trust in this, its all a waste of time really….

The manner in which we teach our kids as they grow from 0 age to present is how they will eventually learn to percieve the world and everyone in it…

I never taught that i would ever believe in categorizing people in classes, but situations has taught me that we have too…

As there is a generation of a sector of people who hide away there kids from the world and never really taught them the value of life….the value of respect, the value of treating others as how you will like others to treat you….

I have been given the honor to bear withness to such individuals where common sence, lack as these fellow humans were taught about life from reading books, looking at videos, listening to documenries bout life, listening to Ebooks and looking at porns….

And based on these knowledge tries to apply such to there daily life….

My questions are: can anyone truely know how to live, how to grow, how to experience, how to love, how to care, how to prayer, how to feel, how to categorize friendship or relationship as what experience of emotions have they ever truly experience….

I have to ask Can someone apply book sence to find love, to find happiness, to find God, to find peace….

If from small they wont taught bout life in general and maybe all they really experience was pain, hurt as parents act out because of there own actions that created situations beyond anyone control….

Am i to believe that listening to Ebooks that teaches us bout dark psychology and human behaviors such as the Ebooks that further conclude that there are 5 different perceptions of love etc….

Am i to believe that people who classes themselves as professionals and read and follow only experiences based on books… can determine who i am or who i am not…..etc

I believe in living each moment and not trusting anyone who have not truely live too ever determine who i really am….

I hv had the pleasure of meeting someone who have created and i want to believe based there entire life on the mundane existance of reading and deciphering there experiences of love, hurt, pain etc on books…

I have tried to teach this individual that only we can find peace for our selves, no woman, man, friend can ever do that for us…

Only we can choose to deal with the pain of the past, present and yet to come and not just replace one relationship with another,

I hope that this person truely takes the time to reflect on there situations and deal with there life issues as ignoring it wont ever make it dissappear….

I hope that in finding themselves, realizes that the mind games that they love to play will only affect them alone in the end, no one else really…..

I hope and prayer that someday whatever peace they seek they may find…

But only time can tell as most of the time the darkness repels and attract other dark souls as themselves….

Then when stuck….wonders why? How? Etc….etc….etc

For those who may read this, all i can say is there are so many false faces out there, u may call them preditors, karmic souls, or just prayer that u dont ever have the pleasure of meeting such individuals….

As if your souls are not strong enough, part of there darkness are transfered onto you as well….

And in the end, we can inly hope, when reality hits, its you alone who will be left to pick up the pieces, to mend the soul, to carry on…..

We can only
hope tho that God bring new souls as precious as ourself to take us true the devine beautiful years ahead…..

🙏

Our Actions/Karma

Life challenges, has taught me to become humble, to forgive, to prayer for those who have hurt me the most, as i deeply believe every situations i have experience, God is trying to teach me to how to love and forgive beyond my expectations….

I once taught that that the hardest thing in life will be forgiving someone…..

But truth be told, i have been true so much in my lifetime that if i had no compassion, i truely believe i will not have been able to survive….

Some may say its foolish of me to be like this, some may not even understand the logic of it,

But God has always been my very first best friend, then made another who was human and humble as i am…..

I believe God is testing this person as he hv tested me….

But i have full faith that one day all of us as human being will realize what our true destiny is…..

Sometimes the logic of Karma we forget and are unable to see far beyond…..

I believe in helping those if i can, if they ever want to know of the true challenges of the God of Karma.

However life sometimes teaches us we cant force help or prayers on others…

We cant force someone to choose or love us as we do of them….

Sometimes, we have to accept and allow every love one to go true there process…..

As in the end its where we are face with the reality of truely forgiving the love ones who have hurt us the most….

Sonetimes our vibrations are so high, its too stronge for those we love, so they end up with someone who is lesser of our energies…..

This tho has taught me that my karma is to be humble, no matter how painful it may make me feel….

Its like a great big vaze tho, that collects all the different moments we are tested as humans…

Love, feelings, emotions, pain, lust, envy, jealiousy, sex, porn, poverty, abuse, misery, ego, pride wealth, happiness, forgiveness…..

In the end its all in relation to our own actions call karma….

FACING REALITY

Today i went back to the last moment we spoke,
Today i taught how evil, how selfish, how ungrateful can a person really be,

I taught of the many conversation we shared…
And wondered if what was really said in confidence….

Was it truth, was it lies, was it just a manchild playing with people life…

I taught, dont he know to every a tion, there is a so call reaction,

Dont he know that every energy attract alikes……

I smiled softly, do you know why?
As reality hit me….
Do you know why?

Cause i just realized my energies are too pure to share with someone who is so low in character,

I smiled, cause it just hit me, energies attract same alike……

And when a player thinks he is a player,
He also met someone alike, a playtress with a darker energy far beyond his expections……

I smiled, do u know Why???
Cause when a player thinks he is smarter, he met someone who is even darker,

I smiled, as its all i can really do….
Cause this player thinks he has found a golden fruit…..
I smiled, as i taught, how stupid and blinded some humans are, as the player focuses only on winnings,
When in reality energies are far greater, the stories of energies that can cause loss of great achievements,
I smiled as this person is fast asleep and when reality hits
It wont be long when his feet touches the filty abyss…..

I smiled as this person i realize have no common sence..
Blinded by sex, lust, greed, ego, envy, pride…
It is all a player really knows after all…..

As he speaks so many lies, he believes them as tho innocents fits it all…..
But in reality the player met a player innocents fits it all…
Only, in reality, the player absorbs all the darker energies…
When in reality he is still lost…
Asking himself if its real or if its not,

Questioning the devine, yet not listening to…

I smiled, cause the playtress takes the player to the bottom of the abyss…

I smiled as the player made his choice, said to me…

“WELL”
“IT IS WHAT IT IS”

Then reality hits me…
As i sat in his space

As i seek advice from people higher than me,
As they confirmed stuff with me….

I realized, you cant help people who dont appreciate, you, who have no respect for God,
Who dont see the true value of you, muchless for you…

As i smiled, i said to myself,

Just let it be,
F**k it as how much can you save someone…

He took away your child and life once in another world….

And took so much of your genuine soul already in this world….

How much of your purity will you give….
To save a player with such a dark, dark soul…

As i lie here and read, i realize love is not real, as players uses it to pleasure themselves,

If only they really can see far beyond….

I prayer that,
They will understand its all a test….its always a road, its far beyond tho….
As simple minds cant see….
How far and long this road we choose, its true name is call really karma ….
In the end, when you stuck, stagnant, unhappy, when the roth of karma beckons upon you,
You will wish that you never challenge the reality of karma…..

SOMETIMES IN MOMENTS

Sometimes you make me feel as tho u still care for me…

Sometimes you make me feel as tho you are still with me…..

Sometimes you makes me feel as tho your arms still wants to reach out to hold me…

Sometimes deep within my heart feels as tho your soul reaches out to me…..

Sometimes i kn when you are thinking of me

Sometimes i can feel you missing me…..

But then there are times you seem a bit off to me…..

Then there are moments when you speak to me
that tells me you still do care or just maybe you still do love me…….

But then it all comes back to reality, as my current taughts, reminds me that those feelings are only of past realities……

The sence of lost and lonliness that are hidden deep within, sometimes causes teardrops as heavy as raindrops…..

But when its all over, i thank God for making me stronger, for making me better,
For preparing me for a better me,
For always guiding me,
For always supporting me and looking out for me….
For preparing me for a greater destiny…..
For preparing me for a bran new destiny…..

I look up and smile and somehow believe deep down, i already know my beautiful future destiny….

As i smile, i know God is going to bless me with an ocean full of so many new, pure, beautiful, amazing, neverending, awesome many, many, many…new realities…..

Falling Out Of Love

Today my thoughts reflected on past moments…..

As out of curiosity I deeply asked myself……

Someone confessing they loved u….. is in love with you…
I Will provide the world to you
Cause seeing the smile on your face makes them feel soo very very very happy…..

Then why, how come in a moment, in a matter of few days…..
Love changes……

How come your conversation with God was as such…

But then what I taught was sacred to us, you went and shared to another…..

Was it true u spoke to God…
Was it all a lie…
Was it that u were scared……
Was it in moments of weakness you were empowered

Don’t you know how pure my love was…
Did you not understand that my body was my temple…..
Did you not understand how precious you were to me…
Did you not fear losing me…..

Don’t you understand…
Through each moment I followed God’s plan…

Did you not see my loyalty…..
Did you not feel my positive energy……
Did you ever think once of me…..
Did you not cry for me…..
Asking, begging, saying you can’t live without me…..
Trust, faith, believe, I had only for you…
All of my strength, energy, luck, and even my life I faithfully once pledge to God to save you……

Did us ever really mattered…
Did anything we shared ever really mattered…
We pledge to be best friends first…..
Exchange all the good and bad, all the pain we had, all the secrets we ever had…..
Shared every deep moment of hidden deepest of….darkest of…..thoughts and pleasures we ever had…..
Choose to become lovers, because of this greatest of friendship we both discovered……

Are you happy tho…..
If you are I have vowed to let you go…..

Coz there is no use in shared pleasures, nor is there trust in weak pleasures, nor is there love in lies…

I ask myself….do you understand what love is…
Have you ever truly experience the madness of falling in love…

I see you most of the time,
Having to pretend that your happiness is none of my business…

Seeing you in moments of what is once again just friendship…

Truly wish and hope you find your happiness
Deeply knowing that God must have a far greater plan for me…..

As I can’t help but wonder what is next for me…
Asking myself what lesson is being taught to me…..
Hoping, knowing, living, experiencing, all that was once kept back from me…
Knowing God will send someone truly deserving of me…
Hoping and praying, wanting and wishing as life beckons me to find the new me, to experience the true life that God truly meant for me…..

Thinking Enlightenment

I awoke today with the glow of the sun peeping into my bedroom…

Got the scent of your perfumes as it lingers on my pillows…..

Felt yr breath touch my cheeks,
Lips touch my forehead……

The distant sound of the phone…..awoke me…
Only then I realize,
We are no longer entwined in each other’s company as we once used to be…..

Even as we feel each other’s heartbeat…..
Even as you awake and you always “message me I am in the pooopers…lol…..”

Even in the last minutes of each night u still message right before falling asleep…..

Deep emotions with scattered thoughts and no words spoken of how deep we need..to still be…..

Trying to salvage each other in friendship…
As it’s so hard to sever ties completely with each other…

Learning to accept that you are a player…
With no real factor……

Accepting fate as my guardian angel…
Accepting that moving on is my best option…
Accepting that love can only be shared by a common factor…
Accepting that we both needed each other…

But now accepting self-realization…
Self-acceptance…
Self-love…..
Self divine energy…..
Not everyone can be as strong as me…..

Learning to appreciate life…
Learning forgiveness…..
Finding deeper inspiration…
Finally learning to let go…..
Releasing the transfer of negative energies…
Finally becoming who I was truly meant to be…
Learning to love me…
Finally accepting me…
Finally appreciating me…
Finally choosing me…
Finally believing in me….having the faith in me….trusting me…trusting in me…
Me Trusting in me…..

SEEKING ANSWERS

Today I switched off to the person I love…
To the one who I taught loved me all…..
I traveled deep within my soul, searching for answers…

Hoping to find a spot where I can breathe a moment of peace…

I asked my soul, how was I able to travel this lonely world within…

I asked my soul, what is love…..
I asked my soul, how can moments feel so real, so divine, so full of truth…..

I asked my soul, how can two people find each other soul,
Share each other’s world…
Know each other, understand each other, share all hidden secrets and yet choose not to be with each other…..

I asked my soul
How can we touch each other’s hearts in silence, in precious moments……

Like when we cry for each other…
Like when we wipe the tears of each other…

I asked my soul, how can one of us betray us…..
How can that special someone break your trust…

What now I ask…..
Should I continue to live in a world where no matter what…
We choose to always be a part of each other souls…

My tears flow as I am here looking deep within my soul…..

Seeking answers
Trying to be strong,
Trying to understand why my destiny led me to this very moment…

Trying to endure all the moments of this story…
Trying to figure out, where next will my faith lead me…..

Hoping that I can somehow feel happy for that person who was once a part of me…..

Hoping to find my way true this journey…..
Hoping to travel this road they call destiny…..
Hoping that at the end of this journey I find my true, true, true destiny…

Hoping that this destiny will be my last……
Hoping that this journey will be my last…..
Hoping that at the end of this precious road, my empty vessels are called a lifetime of the unfulfilled void…

For once be overpowering with Eternal bliss… Eternal love … Eternal joy.. and
Eternal peace…

AWAKENING

My heart once beat to the Riddim of yours…

I use to fall asleep to the tone of your voice…

Two souls combine as one…

Thoughts of happy moments separated by unknown reality…

What was once considered divine energies
Now is all a faded memory…

Accepting the sadness deep within…..

Emerging with a great big smile…

Transfering what seems like the most important feelings…

Now in disguise as unknown feelings…..

Lost in thoughts as the night fades…

As the morning comes forward…each……day

Finding yourself once again
Emerging stronger…
Emerging better…
Emerging greater…

Past moments turn into stored memories…

Past actions turn into stored memories…

Gaining hopes for a far greater destiny…

Casting old and faded memories…

Looking forward to a new me…
Creating a much greater me…..
Embracing a new future me…..
Emerging a fabulous new me…
Looking forward to this new original me…
Looking forward to enjoying the new and far greater me

Holding hands with divinity
Embracing all that is yet to be accomplished by me…..

Heart full of sincerity…
Looking forward to being enveloped by this brand new power hidden deep within me…….

DREAMING

I awoke to this dream where perfection exists……

I heard the raindrops on my rooftop…..
And taught…if only dreams were real…..
What a perfect life we will live…

I had this dream of the divine light…
Showing me what I never had…
What I never felt…

Sitting on the floor of a beautiful home created by whom I know not…

Holding the hands of two beautiful elegant souls…
That seems to love me….relate to me…understand me…..smiling at me…..

As I sat singing a song of glorious notes…..
They looking at me….feeling my soul emotions…

Filling my inner emptiness with the feelings of moments of great bliss….of….great peace…..of great fulfillment…

Never want to wake up…
Hoping it’s all so very real…

But it was the raindrop that awoke me to reality…
Bringing me back from a moment of true paradise…..

Oh, how I wish I was still asleep…
As I found that true moment of peace…

Or how I wish I was still asleep so I can foresee who might be dreaming with me…..
Wanting to have the same reality as me…
Or how I wish that the Gods will finally touch me…
So that I can finally become what they so desire of me…

Oh, how I wish it was truly my divine reality…..

Written by Karleen Boodhai.

MY SILENT PRAYER

My conversation with the holy one is so extreme for I have taken thee as my best friend, my confidant, and the only one who I believe will ever understand me fully…..

As I stand before my altar…..
I firstly thank God for all I have and the very breath that flows……

I then pray for all those who I know…….
My mom, dad, sisters aunt, uncles, cousins,
Neighbors, friends, family, and those I don’t even know……..

I then ask The holy lord to forgive me for all the things that I may or may not have done that could have been annoying to him but not intentionally done……

My conversation with the holy one is so extreme for I have taken thee as my best friend, my confidant, and the only one who I believe will ever understand me fully…..

For in my hurt, in my pain, in my grieve, and even in all my anger…..
He has listened in silence as I vent….

But when I finish speaking with all of my beings……
Inside of me feels at peace …..
feels at ease….
feels like I have been filled with the utmost peace as tho I have been given special wings…….

And as I walk outside I stretch my hands towards the clearing sky…..
The awaking sun….
The half-moon and star….
And whispered thank you, God…….
Thank you for listening……
Thank you for understanding……
Thank you for embracing me in that silent moment……
Thank you for the sun, the moon, the stars….
Thank you for allowing me to dance and prayer in the rain…..
Thank you for taking care of me God when no one else was there…..
Thank you, thank you thank you, God…..
For teaching me how to embrace….
How to love…..
How to cherish……
How to be able to feel utterly complete with your grace…..
And be able to smile and embrace life all over again……
Thank you for this new beginning, God…..
Thank you, thank you, thank you…….

Written by Karleen Boodhai

BLINDLY TRUSTING

For if u never knew before or ever experienced this special kind of medicine we call love….

I don’t really care to
know anymore…..
What’s good and what’s bad…
What’s the truth or untruth…..

You said to me that you have no one else right now….
So I have decided I am going to go with that…..

Continue to blindly trust only you….
No more visions….unless you tell me to…..

As my weak moments of missing you continue to rule my inside……

No more visions or questions unless you ask me too…..
This is my promise to only you……

As I recall all the beautiful and sacred moments we two have shared…….

My longing and wanting for you cannot end……
For I have felt a connection so deep within……
As I know you too have felt this no matter how much darkness you feel within….

My special medicine I will continue to slowly give freely to you in doses only you will know
and understand if it should be measured or just applied…….

For if u never knew before or ever experienced this special kind of medicine we call love….

This very rare prescription that you happen to have found…
Do not hesitate…..
Do not be afraid…..
To bravely take in huge doses…..
And please know it’s ok to open up your heart, your body, your mind, and soul….
To gently start to release……

And hold on to that special light, that special someone, who only you have been lucky enough to have found….

Hold on I say to that person that only you have found…
Who was willing to share and freely give onto you that special remedy, that special prescriptions, that special medication you already received that have slowly started erasing that darkness you feel hidden deep within……..

That gently made you whisper the word perfect….
It was just only perfect you gently uttered….

As you gently said it not once but twice….

I will continue to trust blindly only you…..

Written by: Karleen Parsan

MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

My thoughts took me back to a time of joy, of laughter of indescribable bliss…..

My childhood days growing up with my grandma and grandpa…..

To the early morning of awaking to the calling of the rooster, the mooing of the many cows….to the other animals who were house in the farm….
The goats, the pigs, the ducks, the chicken, the sheep, the horses, the dogs, and the many extras that are there but can’t really recall…..

O gosh out of all, the smell of the brewing of coffee, hot roti, and the pot bubbling to what the long time folks will say talcari…….

As my aunts and uncles all hassle to the early morning…..
Which will seem routine to them….
But amazing to me, as I watch them carry out their many chores….

What I love the most tho was the chirping of the crickets and whispers of the many species of birds….
The climbing of the many fruit trees and listening to the river water as it flows……

My many cousins as we gather each day to plan something new…….

The best of the best tho was diving in the river and swimming up and down as the crystal water flow…

As I came back to the reality of today…..
Wanting and longing to feel the gentle embrace of my grandma and grandpa
Remembering how lucky I was and still am to have had to gain such values taught by them…

To have felt such love.
Overpouring from them…

To have withness and been a part of the many huge family gatherings…

As tho somehow my grandpa commanded it so……
With everyone gathering, laughter echoing and each and everyone sharing and exchanging…

O how I long to feel the pureness of this joy, this laughter, this deep peace, this happiness that once existed…..

I asked myself today, how many of us can really say that those were the days when togetherness, truthfulness, friendliness, happiness, and the purest of love truly exsist….

As I came back to this present day….all I can really say……

O how beautiful my childhood memories really were…….
I gently clapped my hands and say….

Thank you, God, not only for those days but for placing the many people who I have known up to this very day…..

For they all molded me somehow and taught me many new lessons of life…
Some that bought happiness, some the many karmic sadness but all somehow taught and molded me to be…..

To become the best that I can ever be…….

Written by: Karleen Parsan

HAVING FAITH, BELIEVE AND TRUST

I saw him sitting at the beach alone…..
As the waves listened to his story,
Listen to him asking God why me……
What did i ever do wrong……

As i listened to the raindrops on the rooftop……

I recall all the moments we shared….
From the very first day we met…
To the last day we caressed….

God visions beckoned me to you as your soul cried out to me…..

At first sight i saw teardrops hidden in disguise behind a simple smile…….

Pouring behind the layers of the eyes……
I saw a soul wanting to smile…..
But hurting as the days go by…..

I saw a soul crying for help, asking for direction….

I saw him sitting at the beach alone…..
As the waves listened to his story,
Listen to him asking God why me……
What did i ever do wrong……

I saw as the new days go by meetings after meetings….
Clients after clients…
He streches his arms and hugs strangers as they leave….

I listened to him as my appointment reached…..
And saw the sadness fading as he smiles with a heart full of hope, full of new confidence as he paid attention and took heed to some of my words…..

As we spoke he says how come you are so full of confident……
How come you smile all the time even tho your life has change in such a short time…..

I said to him, i have hope….
I have trust……
I have faith……
I have the believe…..
That God will lead me to the perfect gates…..

He will teach me to live once again.
He will lead me to the right places with the right people to guide me and take me to the devine places….

As we spoke on the day before last….
He said to me dont be mad……..
But it was almost as tho u seem relieve, you seem glad….
Little did he know the pain, the grief, the turmoil, the anger, the loneliness i had hidden deep behind that smile

I said to him….
We had to meet….
To hold each other hand….
To caress each other soul that was hidden in depression…..
To assist each other in that particular moment in time
As both our hearts were shattered….
To speak and exchange unknown words of therapy to each other as time passed….

To exchange mind blowing ideas to each other as we both sat and introduce a form of prayers into each other eyes….

To beckoned each other souls as moments becomes precious and time becomes limitless

On the last day we met…..
It was almost as tho our souls spoke…..
Our hearts met…..
As we kiss and and embrace these moments
It feels like a new beginning….
A new season that both of us will restart living new dreams, new hopes, new precious moments once again…

Written by: Karleen Boodhai

CRYING WITHOUT TEARS

Have you ever felt this deep unexpressive unexplained knot deep within your soul……

It feels like its alive and there is a battle between 2 forces….

In timeless moments it’s calm
Then in the current its like a battle between the mind and the heart…..

Where 1 is questioning everything and everyone….

And the other is constantly reassuring the other one……

Timeless I say…..cause they are the childhood hurt….abuse…..lack of love…..abundance of pain….

No one holds thee….
No one to squeeze away the pain….
No one to kiss thy forehead and say it won’t happen again…..

No one to see deep within thy soul to understand the invisible tears……
No one to heal the bruise
Or to caress the soul….

I silently cry…..and ask is there a God…..if so where is He?….

Can’t, He sees I am in great need of thee….
Faiths are shattered….
Cause we only see the surface of one’s soul…..

But I plead…..
before judgment are pass on thy soul…..

First, you must
Fit into my shoes…
Walk my walk…..
Live my life……

Then you speak of me…..

LUST, PASSION, LOVE.

I ask my image….
Should I continue to give in to this desire, this continuous deep uncontrollable longing….

My inner soul awoke me at 2 am to tell me to let go, move on…..
Cause he doesn’t really know you……
If he did, he won’t use his words to hurt you…..

At that moment, as he spoke…..all I felt was pain, used, hurt, unworthiness…..

It’s unknown to him tho…that he has deeply hurt my feeling of friendship, my compassion, my inner soul……

He smiled as I said to him…..u killed part of me…
He said and which part is that…..
I said feelings……
He replied….women always get the feelings…..

But little did he know it’s his own hurt and resentment he has hidden away makes him chase the ones who care for him away…..

Trust becomes an issue…
A force to be reckoned with…..
His yearning of first lost love and passion….
Injured him so…..
Covered his heart with hurt, pain, anger and so much more……

The feelings of regret stabbed me…..
Cause I know that this is not me…..
To have and to allow my body to be constantly used as a vessel by his body, by his thoughts, by his imperfections…..

As I stood and looked into the mirror….
And I asked my image….
Is this what you want?
To continue to be touch, to give in to lust, to give in to the passion that you feel is love but its not……

I ask my image….
Should I continue to give in to this desire, this continuous deep uncontrollable longing….

I ask my image should I continue to allow him to continue to kiss, to caress, to plunge, to unravel the core of my soul…..
Until the feelings become resentful, cause u know deep within you are a kindhearted, caring, and compassionate soul…..

You know your body is sacred, a temple, a holy vessel, only to be surveyed by the one who will truly be there for you……
Who will treat you with kindness, love, respect, and honor…..
Who will bring and want to shower endless joy and happiness upon you….
Who will be there in the time of need to carry you through the hurt and pain, tears and issues of life drama……
Who will be wanting to protect you from the mundane atrocity of this forsaken plains called life, call world that sometimes causes river full of pain….
Who will make sure never to put tears in your eyes or to sow the sorrow that will cause pain and anguish in your heart, body, mind, and soul…
Who will be willing to walk the path with you and take care of you….
Who shall be willing to share simple moments with you……

Like eating popcorn, looking at a movie, sharing a sip of wine….
Like holding hands and feeding your soul with undying happiness, replacing the resentment you feel with many kisses of unknown endless happiness….
Like going on long trips to the beach, sharing a bite to eat, buying surprising gifts…..
Like watching the sunset in silence and listening to the waves as the cool evening breeze caresses your cheeks….
Like deeply kissing in that one moment in time as it once again fills your being with bountiful of peace, happiness, compassion, desires, love, passion, and much much more……
Like just being there in the best of time and the worst of many trying times…..

Then she recalls and reality checks in, as she saw a hidden picture deep within as he says to her…..

Hey, it’s just physical nothing more….
Hey, its a relationship….
But not a relationship…relationship…
Hey, it had nothing to do with friendship….
Hey, it’s just but an appreciation for sex…..
Hey, we call it giving into lust and passion nothing more……..nothing more……

As she recalls, his behavior re the picture,
She realizes then and there…..
This person has no feelings, no soul, no pain, no love, no true desires to share, no beautiful dreams…..
He carries with him a vessel full of past pain, past hurt, past relationship that left him cold and heartless…
Left him with a desire of wantedness that can never be replaced….

Unless he opens up and releases this pain, releases what could have been, should have been, release his memory of first time, first love, first passion, first lust……

Cut down the blanket of barriers that he is using to shield himself from another hurt…

Only then will he be able to open his heart to a new world, full of many gains, full of lasting trust, full of belief, full of unending peace and happiness, full of a new passion, a new lust that will allow him to receive and experience a true bountiful of new bliss….

UNDENYING MOMENTS

As I shook his hands I felt a barrel full of sparks running up my spine, through my veins, deep into the very core of my heart…..

As he sat across from me, he stared deeply within my soul, I felt a rush of underlying pain…….

Then I saw who he really was. A dark and painful soul from another world….

I saw rivers of tears, fire, darkness, rage, pain, loneliness, part of which he was reborn and return with and a part that was caused forthwith…….

I saw a glimpse of past lust, passion, parties, cars, castle….

I saw him passionately hugging someone, deeply but gently kissing her soft beautiful lips…..

I saw Christmas lights, I saw dancing in the snow……
I saw a fireplace….
I saw they both thoroughly caressing, touching, making undying passionate love to each other, to the depth of there core….

I saw a car crash where she was no more….
I saw as he awakened in search of his other half…
He was told she is of no more……
His screamed echoed into another lifetime…
Reaching the lord ears….

As I pulled myself together, I realize who he was, a past comes back to touch my heart, my soul, my very being….

At our second meeting, he said to me, without knowing who I really am….
You seem different from your family….
You seem like you don’t belong….
We sat and spoke for many hours….
Bout him, bout me, bout life, bout hurt, bout pain, bout all the things we both felt in this modern-day and times…..

I said to him I will help you….
But u have to promise to listen and to do what I say….
I will teach you to prayer and guide you to do the things to help you clear your way…..

I will be there for you to make sure you are victorious, successful and accomplished……
I will guide you through the extremes of moments……
I will help you clear your past so things will flow as it ought too…
I will motivate you….
I will teach u to trust, have faith, to have the belief so that you will reach your destination….

And when I have cast away the hurt and pain….
And fill your heart once again with buckets full of joy, laughter, happiness, compassion, desires, and all in the world you have to gain….

I shall return to my own pain…..
Disappear never to be heard of again…..
Never to be seen again….
Walk away with nothing but memories of illusions…..
Of a past painful world…
Of many current undeniable moments….
Of the stabbing piercing hurtful present pain….
Never to be spoken of again…..

A THOUSAND WORDS OF SILENCE

That you have my heart with you,
That you have my prayers with you,
That you have my best wishes with you,
That I miss being with you,
That I crave to be with you,
Cause I am getting use to you,

As I awoke today,
My first sight was the beauty of the awaking sun,

And as I prayed,
I saw no one else, but only you,

And at that moment I realize what u truely mean to me,

Cause I know even in your silence,
U do care,
U do think of me,
Even if it’s for a brief moment,
Your silence do speak to me,

But I know you are a man of many scenarios,
Many words are spoken,
But few are meaningful to you,

I want you to know even tho I write chapters of meaningless words to you,

It’s my way of showing you,

That you have my heart with you,
That you have my prayers with you,
That you have my best wishes with you,
That I miss being with you,
That I crave to be with you,
Cause I am getting use to you,

And that even tho you speak in silence,
You speak in volumes to.

-Karleen Boodhai.