Month: April 2021

Today as I sat down, my taughts reflected to a certain conversation i recently had with someone…

This person i once considered as golden to me,
But as time goes by you realize that sometimes we percieve and see only what we want to believe….

Our wants, desires, and emotions of attraction plays tricks with our heart and soul.

Believe it or not there are humans who are so dark and deceitful that i strongly believe no amount of love, attention or comfort can bring them back from the darkness of the secreat world they have created for themselves…..

Truth be told i was bought up in a different time where kindness, laughter and neighbourly love and friendship, taught us how to be kind to one another regardless of our ethicity and classes we belonged too…..

I have always place God first and everything troughtout my life seem to just fall in place….

However, i believe at some point in our journey of life we are tested by our fellow humans in some way or another….

My recent journey in life have taught me a lesson that i fear we have to learn all by experiences as we travel along the way…

I was taught to love, care, show respect to all and never pass judgement on anyone as we dont really know people circumstances and situations..

I was taught to always be kind and honest and assist those who may be in need even if its just a smile, or a best wish to take them true there day…..

I was taught to treat people how you would like to be treated, as our actions in the form of words, deeds etc can travel to meet us where ever we are…

I believe i was recently tested by someone, as there words, recent actions and behavior has taught me a lesson…

No matter how much love, understanding, compassion, attentions you shower to someone,

If they dont know how to received this or trust in this, its all a waste of time really….

The manner in which we teach our kids as they grow from 0 age to present is how they will eventually learn to percieve the world and everyone in it…

I never taught that i would ever believe in categorizing people in classes, but situations has taught me that we have too…

As there is a generation of a sector of people who hide away there kids from the world and never really taught them the value of life….the value of respect, the value of treating others as how you will like others to treat you….

I have been given the honor to bear withness to such individuals where common sence, lack as these fellow humans were taught about life from reading books, looking at videos, listening to documenries bout life, listening to Ebooks and looking at porns….

And based on these knowledge tries to apply such to there daily life….

My questions are: can anyone truely know how to live, how to grow, how to experience, how to love, how to care, how to prayer, how to feel, how to categorize friendship or relationship as what experience of emotions have they ever truly experience….

I have to ask Can someone apply book sence to find love, to find happiness, to find God, to find peace….

If from small they wont taught bout life in general and maybe all they really experience was pain, hurt as parents act out because of there own actions that created situations beyond anyone control….

Am i to believe that listening to Ebooks that teaches us bout dark psychology and human behaviors such as the Ebooks that further conclude that there are 5 different perceptions of love etc….

Am i to believe that people who classes themselves as professionals and read and follow only experiences based on books… can determine who i am or who i am not…..etc

I believe in living each moment and not trusting anyone who have not truely live too ever determine who i really am….

I hv had the pleasure of meeting someone who have created and i want to believe based there entire life on the mundane existance of reading and deciphering there experiences of love, hurt, pain etc on books…

I have tried to teach this individual that only we can find peace for our selves, no woman, man, friend can ever do that for us…

Only we can choose to deal with the pain of the past, present and yet to come and not just replace one relationship with another,

I hope that this person truely takes the time to reflect on there situations and deal with there life issues as ignoring it wont ever make it dissappear….

I hope that in finding themselves, realizes that the mind games that they love to play will only affect them alone in the end, no one else really…..

I hope and prayer that someday whatever peace they seek they may find…

But only time can tell as most of the time the darkness repels and attract other dark souls as themselves….

Then when stuck….wonders why? How? Etc….etc….etc

For those who may read this, all i can say is there are so many false faces out there, u may call them preditors, karmic souls, or just prayer that u dont ever have the pleasure of meeting such individuals….

As if your souls are not strong enough, part of there darkness are transfered onto you as well….

And in the end, we can inly hope, when reality hits, its you alone who will be left to pick up the pieces, to mend the soul, to carry on…..

We can only
hope tho that God bring new souls as precious as ourself to take us true the devine beautiful years ahead…..

🙏

Today i went back to the last moment we spoke,
Today i taught how evil, how selfish, how ungrateful can a person really be,

I taught of the many conversation we shared…
And wondered if what was really said in confidence….

Was it truth, was it lies, was it just a manchild playing with people life…

I taught, dont he know to every a tion, there is a so call reaction,

Dont he know that every energy attract alikes……

I smiled softly, do you know why?
As reality hit me….
Do you know why?

Cause i just realized my energies are too pure to share with someone who is so low in character,

I smiled, cause it just hit me, energies attract same alike……

And when a player thinks he is a player,
He also met someone alike, a playtress with a darker energy far beyond his expections……

I smiled, do u know Why???
Cause when a player thinks he is smarter, he met someone who is even darker,

I smiled, as its all i can really do….
Cause this player thinks he has found a golden fruit…..
I smiled, as i taught, how stupid and blinded some humans are, as the player focuses only on winnings,
When in reality energies are far greater, the stories of energies that can cause loss of great achievements,
I smiled as this person is fast asleep and when reality hits
It wont be long when his feet touches the filty abyss…..

I smiled as this person i realize have no common sence..
Blinded by sex, lust, greed, ego, envy, pride…
It is all a player really knows after all…..

As he speaks so many lies, he believes them as tho innocents fits it all…..
But in reality the player met a player innocents fits it all…
Only, in reality, the player absorbs all the darker energies…
When in reality he is still lost…
Asking himself if its real or if its not,

Questioning the devine, yet not listening to…

I smiled, cause the playtress takes the player to the bottom of the abyss…

I smiled as the player made his choice, said to me…

“WELL”
“IT IS WHAT IT IS”

Then reality hits me…
As i sat in his space

As i seek advice from people higher than me,
As they confirmed stuff with me….

I realized, you cant help people who dont appreciate, you, who have no respect for God,
Who dont see the true value of you, muchless for you…

As i smiled, i said to myself,

Just let it be,
F**k it as how much can you save someone…

He took away your child and life once in another world….

And took so much of your genuine soul already in this world….

How much of your purity will you give….
To save a player with such a dark, dark soul…

As i lie here and read, i realize love is not real, as players uses it to pleasure themselves,

If only they really can see far beyond….

I prayer that,
They will understand its all a test….its always a road, its far beyond tho….
As simple minds cant see….
How far and long this road we choose, its true name is call really karma ….
In the end, when you stuck, stagnant, unhappy, when the roth of karma beckons upon you,
You will wish that you never challenge the reality of karma…..

Sometimes you make me feel as tho u still care for me…

Sometimes you make me feel as tho you are still with me…..

Sometimes you makes me feel as tho your arms still wants to reach out to hold me…

Sometimes deep within my heart feels as tho your soul reaches out to me…..

Sometimes i kn when you are thinking of me

Sometimes i can feel you missing me…..

But then there are times you seem a bit off to me…..

Then there are moments when you speak to me
that tells me you still do care or just maybe you still do love me…….

But then it all comes back to reality, as my current taughts, reminds me that those feelings are only of past realities……

The sence of lost and lonliness that are hidden deep within, sometimes causes teardrops as heavy as raindrops…..

But when its all over, i thank God for making me stronger, for making me better,
For preparing me for a better me,
For always guiding me,
For always supporting me and looking out for me….
For preparing me for a greater destiny…..
For preparing me for a bran new destiny…..

I look up and smile and somehow believe deep down, i already know my beautiful future destiny….

As i smile, i know God is going to bless me with an ocean full of so many new, pure, beautiful, amazing, neverending, awesome many, many, many…new realities…..

Today my thoughts reflected on past moments…..

As out of curiosity I deeply asked myself……

Someone confessing they loved u….. is in love with you…
I Will provide the world to you
Cause seeing the smile on your face makes them feel soo very very very happy…..

Then why, how come in a moment, in a matter of few days…..
Love changes……

How come your conversation with God was as such…

But then what I taught was sacred to us, you went and shared to another…..

Was it true u spoke to God…
Was it all a lie…
Was it that u were scared……
Was it in moments of weakness you were empowered

Don’t you know how pure my love was…
Did you not understand that my body was my temple…..
Did you not understand how precious you were to me…
Did you not fear losing me…..

Don’t you understand…
Through each moment I followed God’s plan…

Did you not see my loyalty…..
Did you not feel my positive energy……
Did you ever think once of me…..
Did you not cry for me…..
Asking, begging, saying you can’t live without me…..
Trust, faith, believe, I had only for you…
All of my strength, energy, luck, and even my life I faithfully once pledge to God to save you……

Did us ever really mattered…
Did anything we shared ever really mattered…
We pledge to be best friends first…..
Exchange all the good and bad, all the pain we had, all the secrets we ever had…..
Shared every deep moment of hidden deepest of….darkest of…..thoughts and pleasures we ever had…..
Choose to become lovers, because of this greatest of friendship we both discovered……

Are you happy tho…..
If you are I have vowed to let you go…..

Coz there is no use in shared pleasures, nor is there trust in weak pleasures, nor is there love in lies…

I ask myself….do you understand what love is…
Have you ever truly experience the madness of falling in love…

I see you most of the time,
Having to pretend that your happiness is none of my business…

Seeing you in moments of what is once again just friendship…

Truly wish and hope you find your happiness
Deeply knowing that God must have a far greater plan for me…..

As I can’t help but wonder what is next for me…
Asking myself what lesson is being taught to me…..
Hoping, knowing, living, experiencing, all that was once kept back from me…
Knowing God will send someone truly deserving of me…
Hoping and praying, wanting and wishing as life beckons me to find the new me, to experience the true life that God truly meant for me…..

I awoke today with the glow of the sun peeping into my bedroom…

Got the scent of your perfumes as it lingers on my pillows…..

Felt yr breath touch my cheeks,
Lips touch my forehead……

The distant sound of the phone…..awoke me…
Only then I realize,
We are no longer entwined in each other’s company as we once used to be…..

Even as we feel each other’s heartbeat…..
Even as you awake and you always “message me I am in the pooopers…lol…..”

Even in the last minutes of each night u still message right before falling asleep…..

Deep emotions with scattered thoughts and no words spoken of how deep we need..to still be…..

Trying to salvage each other in friendship…
As it’s so hard to sever ties completely with each other…

Learning to accept that you are a player…
With no real factor……

Accepting fate as my guardian angel…
Accepting that moving on is my best option…
Accepting that love can only be shared by a common factor…
Accepting that we both needed each other…

But now accepting self-realization…
Self-acceptance…
Self-love…..
Self divine energy…..
Not everyone can be as strong as me…..

Learning to appreciate life…
Learning forgiveness…..
Finding deeper inspiration…
Finally learning to let go…..
Releasing the transfer of negative energies…
Finally becoming who I was truly meant to be…
Learning to love me…
Finally accepting me…
Finally appreciating me…
Finally choosing me…
Finally believing in me….having the faith in me….trusting me…trusting in me…
Me Trusting in me…..